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"As Is the Mother,
So Is Her Daughter": Parental Example
A distant and rather
casual acquaintance is now divorced for a second time and dates a young
woman who, like himself, has the morals of an animal. When he invites
her to spend the night, the two sleep together as though they had been
united by God as "one flesh."
What, then, was this father to say to his daughter when recently she
returned home from college with a boyfriend and requested that she and
the lad sleep in her "old room"? He could be nothing but agreeable. He
gave his consent and the daughter walked that night in the footsteps of
her father. Although this is a father-daughter relationship, it fits the
principle of the proverb - "As is the mother, so is her daughter"
(Ezek. 16:44). Or, in other words of a modern saying, "Like father,
like son."
The moral problems of today may not be so much the failure of youth as
they are the
degeneration of parents. And I suspect that may have always been true.
Society is full of self-indulgent, unrestrained, greedy, dishonest,
immoral, drug-addicted, lust-driven, irreligious, irresponsible parents
who are wringing their hands and wondering aloud "What's the matter with
today's kids?" The day fathers and mothers control their own urges and
set godly, examples before their children, that day the problems of
youth will be severely reduced.
Before, as citizens in the kingdom of heaven, parents pass this off as a
problem for the world, let them look at families in Christ and calculate
how much infidelity, divorce, greed, worldly pleasure, immorality, and
religious indifference abounds among them. Let them frankly look at how
many of their young people are being caught up in the swirl of the world
and are forsaking all commitment to God. And, then, let them ask
themselves how much "parental example" is responsible for this fact.
The importance of example must be stressed in any leadership role-whether that leader is the Lord, an apostle, an elder, an evangelist, or
a parent. Jesus knew this and set before his disciples an "example
that ye should follow in his steps" (1 Pet. 2:21). An apostle urged
the brethren he taught, "Be ye imitators of me, even as I also am of
Christ" (1 Cor. 11:1). That same apostle said to a group of elders
to "take heed unto yourselves" and to a young evangelist,
"take heed to thyself' (Acts 20:28; 1 Tim. 4:16). These orders
coincide with elders' responsibility to make yourselves ensamples to the
flock" and the evangelist's role to "be thou an example to them that
believe, in word, in manner of life, in love, in faith, in purity" (1
Pet. 5:3; 1 Tim. 4:16,12).
How can any teacher, including the Lord himself, expect his students to
exceed the
righteousness of his own behavior? So it will be with parents who hold
the most intimate teaching role commissioned in life - the nurturing of
their children in the "chastening and admonition of the Lord" (Eph.
6:4).
Parents who trivialize or minimize the role of example need to read the
list of kings who ruled the kingdom of Israel and Judah after the nation
divided. Of the many father-son kings who led those ancient tribes, few
avoided the evils of their fathers who ultimately corrupted the two
nations with idolatry and immorality. Over and over again the Scriptures
record: "And he did that which was evil in the sight of Jehovah, and
walked in the way of his father, and in his sin where with he made
Israel to sin" (1 Kgs. 15:26). Why should parents today think it
will be any different with their children if they walk in sin?
A classic example is the partiality Isaac and Rebekah showed their sons -
Isaac toward Esau and Rebekah toward Jacob. Isaac loved Esau, who was a
hunter, because he ate of
the venison his son brought from the field. Jacob was a quiet boy who
stayed around the house and became the darling of his mother (see
Gen. 25:27-34). Rebekah went to great lengths, even deception, to
see that Jacob received the birthright and the blessings of the
firstborn. It is, therefore, no accident that as a parent Jacob himself
showed partiality. What he learned from the example of his mother he
practiced toward his favorite son Joseph (Gen. 37:3). Teaching
children righteousness is a basic parental responsibility (Prov. 1:8;
Eph. 6:4), but that instruction is easily obscured by unrighteous
examples they set as fathers and mothers. The essence of the problem is
captured by an unknown author in the following poem:
The Bad Example
He whipped his boy for lying,
And his cheeks were flaming red,
And of course there's no denying
There was truth in what he said
That a liar's always hated.
But the little fellow knew
That his father often stated
Many things that were untrue.
He caught the youngster cheating
And he sent him to bed,
And it's useless now repeating
All the bitter things he said,
He talked of honor loudly,
As a lesson to be learned,
And forgot he's boasted proudly
Of the cunning tricks he's turned.
He heard the youngster swearing
And he punished him again
He'd have no boy as daring
As to utter words profane.
Yet the youngster could have told him,
Poor misguided elf,
That is seemed unfair to scold him
When he often curses, himself.
All in vain is splendid preaching,
And the noble things we say,
All our task is wasted teaching
If we do not lead the way
We can never, by reviewing
All the sermons on the shelves,
Keep the younger hands from doing
What we often do ourselves.
Let's be specific,
brethren. Parents who refuse to deny ungodly lusts and who live unholy
lives should not be amazed that their children devote themselves to
carnal appetites. Parents find pleasure in "sexplicit" movies and TV
shows that use crude language and make light of morality - then wonder
why their kids dress immodestly, tell suggestive or filthy jokes, and
turn up pregnant or father a child before they graduate from high
school. How can fathers and mothers who use the Lord's name in vain,
gossip, lie, deceive, and shout angry invectives at family members
expect something different from their children? Unforgiving attitudes,
refusal to acknowledge wrongs, unwillingness to apologize, physical
abuse and constant nagging are unhealthy qualities that children
frequently see for the first time in the home.
To make a bad situation worse these same parents show no genuine interest
in spiritual
activities. They assemble only sporadically with the saints - skipping
services when on vacation, missing a night of the gospel meeting to
bowl, and urging the kids to do homework or attend school functions on
Wednesday night. Many fathers and mothers could not tell you the last
time they read the Bible as a family, had an evening prayer together
around the coffee table, or discussed the problems of evolution or the
immoral implications of values clarification that are inculcated into
the kids' minds at school. And few children have ever seen their parents
visit the elderly, mow the yard of a shut-in, or take food to widow or
widower who is sick in bed.
Brethren, what God expects of parents he commended in his faithful
servant Abraham. "For I have known him to the end that he commanded
his children and his household after him, that they may keep the way of
Jehovah, to do righteousness and justice" (Gen. 18:19). The ancient
patriarch ordered his family to follow him in the paths of
righteousness. Any leader, whether Abraham, Jesus Christ, or Gandhi, can
command a crowd of followers, even his family, when he himself walks
where he instructs them to walk. Fathers and mothers undermine the job
of commanding their households "to do righteousness" when they
refuse to walk that way themselves. Joshua spoke for himself as well as
his family when he said: "Choose you this day whom ye will serve . .
. but as for me and my house, we will serve Jehovah" (Josh. 24:15).
The apostle Paul illustrates this important principle in the life of his
most dedicated son in the gospel. Of Timothy the apostle spoke
glowingly: "For I have no man like-minded, who will care truly for
your state. For they all seek their own, not the things of Jesus Christ"
(Phil. 2:20,21). The explanation of Timothy's unselfishness,
according to the apostle, is found in the lives of his grandmother and
mother. The "unfeigned faith" that was in the evangelist, Paul says,
"dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice" (2 Tim.
1:5). Timothy had been a witness of sincere faith and devotion to
God in the intimacy of his home and it paid its dues in his own life. He
was the one co-worker that Paul could trust - unreservedly.
Institutionalism, denominationalism, and modernism ripped asunder the
body of Christ in the '50s, '60s, and '70s, but the cares, pleasures,
and riches of this world are gnawing away at the "unfeigned faith" of
brethren in the '80s. Husbands are working two jobs to keep up with the
Joneses, mothers are leaving children in day-care centers to further
careers or pay for vans and boats, and neither the parents nor the
children have the slightest inclination to fill out a few simple
questions for the Sunday Bible class. Family time is consumed with
daddy's golf, momma's bowling and shopping, the kids' soccer and little
league, and family "devotionals" to Cosby, Roseanne, and Mr. Belvedere.
The "unfeigned faith" that children are seeing is trust in the American
way-the way of greed, instant gratification with things and pleasure,
and the security of CDs and IRAs. Trust in God, contentment with basic
needs, the joy of unselfish service in the kingdom of God, study and
memorization of Scriptures, prayer, and interest in the souls of sinners
are relics of the past that children of today have seen only with a
passing glance. Gone with the departure of "unfeigned faith" in God that
a man like Timothy possessed is the spiritual beauty of holiness,
godliness, and righteousness. Children no longer see parents adorning
their souls with the gospel of faith, hope, and love-and what they do
not see they cannot be expected to practice. The proverbs are still true-"As is the mother, so is her daughter" and "Like father, like son."
--L.A. Stauffer of
Fenton, Missouri
Guardian of Truth XXXIII: 12, pp. 364-365
June 15, 1989
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